The End of OCC

May 27, 2024

In the equation of what builds me, which then equals who I am, and who I will become, there is some variable that is in there that is a narcissistic variable. But that is a word others term me as.

When I throw out my words, accusations, demands, respectful responses, I give it common sense. There’s no reason or way out of the solutions I give. But most people do not think with common sense. Most people do not think without creating solutions. I do. I think carefully before I speak.

If there is a phenomena of people getting hit by cars in the middle of the street, and there is camera footage of people not looking both ways before they cross the street, I would say, with common sense, they should look both ways before they cross the street.

But unfortunately, others would give some vague example of that it’s the cars fault, the road workers fault of not painting it correctly, there’s no signs of whatever they would say or something else other than what the main, the first, the common sense response is.

I always say in class that I do not know anything. I do not claim to know anything. But I am very mindful and I try to think before I speak. I keep asking questions and find out what seems logical. What seems reasonable. What can benefit all in the most simplistic way.

And yet I am looked down upon. The peers think and I have a one-way vision. Excuses are made. Examples are crushed.

The inevitability of the teachers positive response to their words, and negative response to mine.

It’s sad that when people try to get challenged or questioned, they break down into oblivion. The agitation of their left leg, the picking at their fingernails, the stutter in their voice before they speak. All that is overcompensating their ability to believe in themselves. They believe in what others think.

They are told what to think rather to think on their own. They are told to follow a certain way, a certain attitude, a certain response. My common sense got beaten and bruised. Attacked and mistreated. But when it took a back seat, when I watched and not spoke, when I was careful in speaking 20 words or less, then there was silence after I spoke.

But the last few months were very difficult. My tolerance for laziness was short, my enthusiasm for progress was high, and nothing could stop me. Not even a D- a month before school ended. But that is another story.

The Starbucks on campus started to see old. The parking lot started to seem smaller.

The student/teacher lounge upstairs on the third floor seemed not important. Especially the library table and area where I sat for many years seemed to be taken place in another school. What was once comfortable seemed to pass and I was already gone. My affection was dwindling. Students were embracing intolerance. Students conviction of hysteria was matched by students belief that things were never simple. Or the truth that they never believed was never malleable.

But when I knew that school was going to soon end, I realized that I had learned all the tools. I knew everything that I am supposed to know currently, and I will attempt to learn more. I gained knowledge and I refuted what doesn’t belong. I believed in common sense from the start to the end.

And now the end is here. The dark moments of ambiguity in the counselors office,  gazing out the window on what other buildings I will be attending, to me now, gazing at the campus through the left rearview mirror.

The things I see in the rearview mirror are just beautiful. They make me who I am.

The initial intention of what I believed when I first walked on campus is gone. But the things that I now believe will be shown through my smile and words and grades for the rest of my life. And for that, I am forever grateful.